Seeing Beyond
The family came into the restaurant just before closing and they were sat in my oldest daughter Sarah’s area to serve. She looked at the clock and said good-bye to getting out on time, put a smile on her face and went out to take their orders. This is her story, “I was the only server on at 10:45 looking forward to closing at 11:00 pm, when through the door came a mom, two grandparents and three children. I was less than happy and wondered what parents in their right mind would have their children out at 10:45 at night. I walked up to greet the only table in the restaurant with frustration and a smile and welcomed them to dinner. For no apparent reason I asked the mother how she was and when she answered “Fine”, I questioned, “Why only fine?” She answered that her brother had tried to kill himself that morning and her and the family had flown in from Philadelphia on a last minute flight. They had been filling out paperwork all day and had only finished thirty minutes ago. As she told the story, she began to cry and I couldn’t help but hug her and tell her how sorry I was, with tears in my own eyes for all the pain she was experiencing.
As I walked away to put their order in and get them their drinks, I was struck by the realization that you truly never know what someone is going through. Judging the shoes someone walks in before you have worn them is a good way to miss out on wonderful people and much needed life lessons. I played with the children the rest of the meal and tried to let the adults rest the best I could. I was humbled and reminded God works even at 10:45 at night.”
Sarah shared that story with me to explain why she is slow to judge others. In a few moments she went from judgment to compassion because she knew more of the story. In the same way I believe that is how God can lavish His love on some of the most unlovable people in the world. He knows the full story, how they got to where they are and why they are broken. He sees them in the context of their life experiences and so knows the pain, the grief and the abuse they have received. He doesn’t see a young woman dressed inappropriately, He sees a girl who from the time she was little was encouraged to define herself by her looks and so can’t see her true value. He doesn’t see a withdrawn, angry man but a young soldier who went to war with a heart full of patriotism and came home with pictures in his mind of death and horror that he can’t forget. He doesn’t see a perfectionist mother who demands too much from her family but a little girl who learned from her explosive, alcoholic father that making no mistakes was the only way to escape his wrath.
The Bible tells us to love people like God loves them which is full of grace. If we look only on the outside grace-filled loving is difficult to do because we can’t see the whys or the hows. Only if we trust in the person’s value because they were made in the image of God can we begin to move beyond judgment and into grace.
As a parent part of my role is to teach my children truths but what a blessing it is to be stretched by them and walk away wiser. Sarah has taught me many things over the years, the joy of selflessness, the compassionate heart of a big sister and how to see past my eyes and to see with my heart. She gave me the gift of seeing through His eyes, the gift of seeing beyond.
