When I reflected on the last six years, I knew the gap reflected two very intense seasons of disappointment that had broken something inside of me and left me unwilling to share my heart.

I think where we stand when the marginalized are being attacked is a defining statement of who we are.

The family came into the restaurant just before closing and they were sat in my oldest daughter Sarah’s area to serve. She looked at the clock and said good-bye to getting out on time, put a smile on her face and went out to take their orders. This is her story

When I think of God’s love being showered over me I think of His grace and How He died so that I could have relationship with Him. I think of His gift of forgiveness. But what came first…forgiveness or repentance?

It was a magical toy when I was a little girl, broken little pieces of glass trapped in a cardboard cylinder that tumbled and rolled and changed how the world looked with every twist and turn. I would spend hours looking into the sun, marveling at the explosions of color that reflected off the mirrors inside.

I remember the first time, I was at a dinner and was talking with a friend and my daughter Sarah. My friend asked a question that if answered honestly would make me vulnerable…I took the plunge. A few minutes into my answer my friend either didn’t sense the importance of my sharing or needed to say something and began to talk over me. I stopped talking, swallowed my words and focused on my friend. My daughter slid her hand over and squeezed my hand and mouthed the words, “I see you.”

There is a secret garden in my life.

This garden is different than the garden I share with family and friends, this garden is one only I can visit.

First there was calm, a few waves maybe but nothing that told me life was about to change. Suddenly, I am in the middle of a storm. In life, storms can be many things, loss of a loved one, health concerns, financial problems or a break in a relationship. This storm leaves me feeling uncertain…as though the ground beneath my feet has turned to sand that is shifting with every step I take.

My daughter Sarah did a wonderful presentation in her nursing class that showed 5 ways you can find greater joy in your life. And they only take 8 minutes a day. The amazing thing is her report focused on proven studies but the Bible says the exact same thing. We can make changes every day that will make us more grateful in our lives.

It feels like when you go out deep in the ocean and a huge wave rolls over you and churns you around and around. I had suspected one of my four daughters, Allena, was drawn to girls when she was younger but when we sat across from her on the couch and theory became fact, I felt tossed in the waves.

I live a life full of tension and I don’t want to change it. Pulled one way by grace that covers all of my sins and pulled the other way by judgment, which reminds me my actions make a difference. Like a tightrope walker, at times I find myself leaning more to one side than the other, seeking balance in the midst of imbalance. I keep working at is because my life is best when I balance them both…because I need them both.

All my relationships start this way…I am standing at the gate. Next to me is a beautiful bench and before me is a path. People come and go in front of me, walking down the pathway, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend. When I see someone I know I call out and wave and they wave back, not slowing down but moving onward to their gate.

Before the girls it was us, choosing each other in the midst of love, immaturity and optimism…in a moment Vicky and John became an us.

It is the first month of the New Year and we are reminded that we can make small changes that will affect our lives in big ways.

I love being a woman! For all the struggles we go through to be taken seriously and embraced as equals by men we have been blessed with something most men can only stand in awe of—words.

I have learned from my husband to take a second look. On a drive I see cars, he sees the little girl on a bus with a body that doesn’t work unable to get her neck back in the brace as her head bounces to the side.

Anything worth value at its core is built on relationships. They are what bring depth, joy and sorrow into life and they are most difficult to maintain because they require beautiful endurance.