Tension

I live a life full of tension and I don’t want to change it. Pulled one way by grace that covers all of my sins and pulled the other way by judgment, which reminds me my actions make a difference. Like a tightrope walker, at times I find myself leaning more to one side than the other, seeking balance in the midst of imbalance. I keep working at is because my life is best when I balance them both…because I need them both.
When someone in my life reaches out to me, I hunt for that same tension. Like a two sided mirror, I try to bring two very different reflections to the situation. On one side, I reflect honesty, hopefully helping the person to see what they are going through as an event to be learned from not an experience to repeat. The goal of my words isn’t just to help the person accept responsibility; they are also based in a desire for the person to search for what got them to this point. When they look inward and see the pattern, they can then begin to redefine their future. Honesty can bring about change.
I also reflect compassion. Even if a bad choice is intentionally made, it doesn’t lessen the pain of the consequences. I know in my own life I have made conscious decisions where I see consequences even years later roll forward. Compassion doesn’t say, “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Compassion instead says, “Your pain is real and I choose to invest in you, in your pain…because you have value.” Compassion can bring about healing.
The balance of these two sides is important. If I only extend honesty, then my words, although true, paint the person’s pain into a corner. Instead of looking inward at what needs to change, they defensively swing out and my opportunity to bring clarity is blurred. I may feel vindicated in my honesty but without compassion honesty usually morphs into anger and then we both lose. If I only give compassion, I overlook their part and their choices. I actually become part of the problem. Again, they don’t look inward; instead I enable them to look at others as a place for blame to land. Rather than healing, I bring more infection and the wound continues to fester and it will rise up again.
So in my own life I will continue to walk the tightrope, seeking to find balance between grace and judgment so I can change me for all the right reasons. I will also continue to reach out to others with honest compassion. It makes life messier but it also makes it richer; balancing counsel with mercy, consequences with hope because ultimately my desire is that lives moves forward for the better. It’s why I don’t mind living a life full of tension.