The Season of Us
Before the girls it was us, choosing each other in the midst of love, immaturity and optimism…in a moment Vicky and John became an us. That first year was a roller coaster of growth, learning how to communicate, finding out the hard way how to balance the checkbook and discovering that being married was both fun and work. Early on we were taught the importance of dating each other and in this first season of marriage, in our spring…dating was easy. Life felt expectant and ready to bloom.
Before long there were more and all of a sudden the house was full of dolls, legos and little ones. I found myself escaping to the bathroom for a few moments alone only to have little fingers wave under the door followed by “Mom, are you in there?”. With four children clamoring for attention we had to plan out time to pay bills or go on a date. Like many young parents the money was as tight as the time so we became creative and many nights our dates consisted of putting the kids to bed early in the hopes of having a few hours of uninterrupted eating and handholding. One night I remember catching our oldest two daughters peeking around the corner, watching us dance to the radio in the kitchen. I loved it because I hoped they would also capture the understanding that relationships take effort to work.
Over the years our date nights changed, as money became less tight, we would dress up, go out to dinner and enjoy a movie together. A few times we managed to go away for the weekend, trying desperately to fit a year of needed time into 48 hours. Some years we drifted and date night was overlooked as we struggled to just stay afloat, touching fingertips as waves of life rolled over us. The summer of our marriage was full of change, lots of growth but also dry at times.
This year we passed a milestone…our youngest daughter graduated from college. In the stands as I watched her walk across the stage I cried tears of joy and sorrow because this “last” was a bittersweet moment. When she was born we knew our family was complete so her life to me has always been an awareness of “lasts”. The last baby snuggles that smell so sweet and sink into your heart. The last to go to her first day of school complete with new clothes and an oversized backpack. The last one to get her driver’s license, which I admit didn’t rush her to get because I loved the time with her in the car. I felt grateful for her growth but sad for distance and now she was the last to leave our nest.
I no longer have to escape to the bathroom to get time alone because quiet has replaced rooms full of giggles and reminders to keep their voices down are now echoes from the past. After work my husband and I have literally hours of alone time together. We eat dinner, read and watch television. It looked like a life but I wanted more. Since life isn’t a place we land but a journey I found I needed to take a page from those earlier days when we had to make dates intentional.
If we want to stay connected we have to see each other and listen. We have to make time to dance to the radio in the kitchen and to hold hands on the couch. Even though money isn’t as tight as it was years ago we don’t get dressed up and go out to dinner very often. We have found the comforting bubbles of our hot tub with the canopy of stars overhead seem to encourage deep conversations and kayaking down the river together allows us to connect and recharge. The fall of our marriage is slower and more comfortable, we take time we didn’t used to have to stop and look at how beautiful life is, we realize more than ever that life is fragile and we take time to celebrate relationships, something we have always treasured.
I don’t know when winter will come or what it will look like but I look forward to growing closer and enjoying what it will bring. I am so glad that 34 years ago we chose each other in the midst of love, immaturity and optimism…when we became an us.
