Kaleidoscope
It was a magical toy when I was a little girl, broken little pieces of glass trapped in a cardboard cylinder that tumbled and rolled and changed how the world looked with every twist and turn. I would spend hours looking into the sun, marveling at the explosions of color that reflected off the mirrors inside.
I find as an adult I still have a kaleidoscope but instead of random pieces of colored glass, I now see reality through my experiences and these experiences color how I view life around me. A positive experience can give my filter a golden glow that bleeds sunrise colors on my day and makes my outlook sunny and hopeful.
When I experience a difficult time in my life the pieces of my filter sometimes shatter and I am left standing knee-deep in shards of glass, struggling to stand, attempting to find my new normal. Eventually, I pick up the broken pieces which now become part of me, part of my new view. It is painful and the edges feel raw and sharp but time and wisdom can help me to not only see my life through this new filter but also change my view of others who are experiencing similar brokenness.
Sometimes a friend will stand with me and pick up some of the broken glass and add it to their filter, maybe their new view is not as clear as mine but I am so grateful they are choosing to try and see life through my eyes. Their choice gives me value; it changes how they see me and how I see myself. There has been nothing more powerful in my life than people who choose to wade knee-deep into brokenness to connect with me.
I want to try and learn from others, to see life through their struggles with addiction, relationships, abuse, and more. It is easier to look singularly through my filter, to see my experiences not only as truth for me but truth for everyone. I can ignore their tears, turn a blind eye to their broken heart and preach loudly that my choices are what have kept me from a similar fate, right up until the time my life is left in shatters. There was a time I thought I knew, there was a time I thought I had answers. But then life. Life tumbled and rolled me. Life twisted and turned me. I was left without pat answers, left with a shattered filter. Those times have felt like death but I am learning to count them as gain. They create in me compassion, they grow in me grace and they humble my arrogance.
When I hear someone stand from a lofty place and preach their truth without regard for others in pain, I cringe. I have learned there is only one place to go when you put yourself above others and refuse to see through their filter. Better to go and help them pick up the broken pieces of glass, better to stand with them and say, “I can’t imagine”, better to be broken and stand with them than to be above them and stand alone.
