Stormy Waters
First there was calm, a few waves maybe but nothing that told me life was about to change. Suddenly, I am in the middle of a storm. In life, storms can be many things, loss of a loved one, health concerns, financial problems or a break in a relationship. This storm leaves me feeling uncertain…as though the ground beneath my feet has turned to sand that is shifting with every step I take. I feel weighed down with grief and fear and like black clouds, these emotions roll over me when I least expect it. I am still in the midst of the storm but I am not alone. My husband is with me, his arm around me, trying to help me keep me moving forward when all I want to do is lay down and let the storm overtake me. My children are there, like a lifeline they give me words of encouragement and reminders of the truth that I am loved and I have value.
They sent me a necklace that has these words, “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.” Those are words from a song, “Oceans”, by Hillsong and it reminds me of the most important thing. God is with me in the storm.
My storm is the loss of a relationship. The emptiness of this loss has left me hollow and very sad. I fully understand now what it means to cry until there are no more tears and it is hard that I have cried those tears with God…and the storm is still raging. I know the answers; that God is there even though I can’t feel Him or that He is at work even though I can’t see Him. It doesn’t help how I feel. I know this, my faith in God isn’t honest if I can’t be real about my struggles and frustration, that I am left without someone I love and He feels far away.
Today I sat and listened to “Oceans” over and over and a little light beam shone through the clouds. I thought of the disciple Peter. I have always loved Peter with his enthusiastic and at times reckless personality; there is something in him I think most of us can identify with in ourselves. When the disciples were all on a boat, it was Peter who got out of the boat, it was Peter who stepped on the water and it was Peter who walked toward Jesus. And yes, it was Peter who saw the wind, doubted and began to sink. It could have been a cautionary tale where Peter drowned and Jesus used it to warn the others to not doubt. But Jesus didn’t let Peter die, He didn’t let the storm overtake him, instead He reached out and took Peter’s hand, helped him into the boat and calmed the storm. The lesson was about focus and trust, choosing to seeing God in the midst of the storm or only seeing the storm.
The question of trust made me think of a visual lesson I had seen some time ago. The speaker had a jar which represented my life, there was sand which represented the things I need to do each day, my responsibilities, there was gravel which represented the people in my life and a rock which represented God. For my responsibilities, people and God to all fit in the jar the rock had to go in first, then the gravel and last the sand. When God is first, everything else fits.
But as I listened to “Ocean’s” I thought about Peter’s focus. I realized that any other order with the sand, the gravel and the rock would allow shifting, leaving my faith in real trouble. In my life, if responsibilities, or people are what I am resting on, I will be left feeling uncertain because they can change. If I focus on the storm and not the fact that Jesus is in the storm with me, I will surely sink. So this is a new normal in my life and I am having to adjust; I am trying to keep my eyes on Him, a Savior I don’t always understand but who I know I can trust.
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me and your right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139:9-10
“I will call upon Your name, keep my eyes above the waves. My soul will rest in Your embrace, I am Yours and You are mine.” Oceans by Hillsong
